When we extend our sympathy to someone, we mostly take part in someone else’s feelings by feeling sorrowful about their misfortune. With empathy, we connect with others and recognize the suffering of another person from their point of view, which includes sharing their emotions, including painful distress. We all need more empathy and less sympathy, deeper and less superficial connections.
Sympathy can be seen as a superficial form of empathy. When we sympathize with others we are not doing anything for them. We actually, can feed some unhealthy needs they might have, we can feed their victim and their need for attention and praise. With empathy, on the other hand, we seek to understand the other’s perspective, to uncover how their experience is holding them back, both mentally and emotionally.
Empathy takes us to the depths of our being, makes us connect with our core, our feelings, and our emotions. It takes courage to do that deep dive, to be honest with ourselves, to connect with our shadow, to touch our vulnerability. I am not saying to carry the other person suffering as yours, I am saying that for a moment connect with your depths and connect with the other from the heart, from a place of compassion of honesty. Help them to feel that they are not alone, that you care. That is extremely healing for both parties.
We all need more empathy, we need to see the world with more loving eyes and less judgment. When we judge others, we judge ourselves. We have lost touch with who we are, and are afraid of being vulnerable (we see it as a weakness). We cannot put ourselves in another person’s shoes. We want quick and superficial fixes for our problems, and we are afraid of being real and looking our shadow in the eye.
We crave attention, we crave companionship, we crave love, yet we want to attract a partner by playing games, we are not honest and we cannot truly connect with others.
What are we doing to ourselves, besides living in a spiral of self-sabotage?
I have a challenge for you. If you crave depth, honesty, and love in your life, try to develop your empathy muscle. It will be hard at first, might feel funny and uncomfortable. However, as time passes you will see the quality of your life and relationships shift to better.
I recommend you to see a great short video where Dr. Brené Brown explains the difference between sympathy and empathy very well.
